[GreenGuy]

Another random writing. Written in 5 minutes or so.

I don't feel loved. I don't know why. I've never felt loved. Maybe it's the new medication I'm taking or maybe not. I feel really horrible. I don't feel like talking to people online much anymore. Because something always happens and we end up not talking anymore. I sit here alone in my room for hours at a time. Not doing a single thing. Waiting for the day to be over so I can go to bed and feel at peace when I'm asleep. Wake up refreshed and have the same feeling of nothingness as I waste away here. No one to love me, to hold me, to kiss me, tell me I matter more to them then anything else in the world. I am nothing in my room alone. I am not a person. If I was gone it wouldn't matter would it? People would only be sad for a little while. No one would grieve for me year after year. A happy soul lost to the harsh world of loneliness. Forever forgotten and worthless. That is me. What I am. No one would ever love that.

[GreenGuy]

Someone told me they liked reading these. So here's some I wrote last month.

I guess I over stayed my welcome. I know you once told me everyone leaves you in your life. So I stuck around as long as I could. That is until you forced me to go. I was trying to show you I wasn't like those other people that use you for things then leave. I wanted to be there for you always. Then of course you end up thinking I'm creepy because I cared about you too much. It seems like I can't win. I thought I was everything the others were not and that would make a difference. Mass confusion is caused when I try to figure out what I did for you to get the wrong idea about me. I see the mistrust in what you say about me. The accusations you say are sharp and painful. What did I do to deserve such treatment?

I know I never shared anything about myself because you never asked or were interested. I always wanted to know more about you but you wouldn't share. All I wanted to do was help you. I wanted to repair the damage your family and ex-husband did to you. To make things better, to make you stronger, to help you overcome your depression. It just didn't work. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't save you. I feel like I've failed you as a friend. I wanted to help you with your loneliness too, but no the depression was too great and you never wanted to see me or that's what I believe. Because we never got to hang out you never really got to know the real me and I feel I've been judged on your first impressions of me.

I guess I'm doing that for you also, but I hold you in higher regards. Not on a pedestal per se, but I see you as a better person than you see yourself. I believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself. When you're sad I wish to make things better. I just can't because you won't allow it. So what am I supposed to do? I don't want to abandon you yet you want me to leave. I guess that's what I'll do for you and your happiness then. Just remember I didn't leave you like those other people. I never wanted to give up on you. I have no hard feelings about anything and no regrets either because I know I tried my best and that's all I could do.

[GreenGuy]

I know you don't see it and you deny it, but you are beautiful. Why do you think I'm lying to you about that? I'm sorry if I tell you that everyday and it gets redundant, but that's the way I see you. You're cute in such a special way. So don't you dare tell me you're ugly, I know you're not and you should feel the same. What can I do to prove it to you? I already love you is that not enough? I do the most sweetest things just for you and you say that's creepy? I don't understand. What is it you want? I've tired my hardest to show you that you can be loved and you don't want it anymore. I'm sorry I'm not an ass or an abusive man. I want you to see that I'm different than the ones from your past. I want to make things better. How can you not want someone to care for you? I don't understand..

[piaz]

wow greeny.
that puts me at a loss for words.
very good greeny
u need to post this kind of stuff more.



pi

[GreenGuy]

piaz, on Sep 22 2008, 11:03 PM, said:

wow greeny.
that puts me at a loss for words.
very good greeny
u need to post this kind of stuff more.
pi

Thanks Pi.
Ok, here's something I just wrote.

Crush
Love is a mind game, a stupid mind game. So what if you miss her, what's that supposed to mean? Not much I think.
The feelings are not mutual. Hell she ignores you half the time. I know she said she thought you were interesting but she doesn't seem that interested in you.
You ask her out and get no answer not a yes and not even a no, try again and the same response. Why can't she just say sorry or something? Why does she have to pretend you didn't say anything?
Makes you wonder if she's even worth trying to pursue. I don't see how you're even friends with the way she hardly acknowledges you.
You look like a sap, you poor little man. Maybe you should just ask her if she's available. Truthfully it seems like she doesn't want to be bothered by the way she treats you.
Just stop right now before you make an ass of yourself. No one likes someone that's too eager, too interested and very very single.
Knock it off with telling her the things you do. She doesn't care jack squat about you. She won't share things with you just because you tell her about your day.
So shut the hell up and move on, it's over. That's it, that's all. Now stop wishing and dreaming about taking her out. It's not going to happen.

[jaded_blue]

Wow . . . why ya always gotta make me cry Greeny?

Keep it up honey!! Writing frees the soul.

Love ya!

Blueeeee

[jaded_blue]

You still writing Greeny?

[GreenGuy]

jaded_blue, on 02 July 2009 - 01:53 AM, said:

You still writing Greeny?

No I'm not Blue. It turns out I'm some kind of crazy stalker so I really can't write anymore things based on my feelings for this person. There's no use moping around about the past either. Things have been said that can't be taken back and things have been done that are unforgivable. She want absolutely nothing to do with me anymore. So that's where it will have to stay... forever.

[byebye]

well its good that u respect her wishes and not like obsess over it any more. it sucks but if u just dont feel a way about some1 then nothings gonna change that. and if she didnt then it just wasnt meant to be uknow so ur prolly better off cuz its not the relationship u were looking for. and like u said no use moping over the past. try not to be upset tho maybe its hard for guys to under stand what it feels like but its not good i had peeps do real creepy things to me b4. some of them i kinda knew and some just on the street or at a bus stop. not saying thats like u at all just that if she feels that way then its real to her. im sorry it means u got hurt tho

This post has been edited by thisgirlluvsthatgirl: 02 July 2009 - 04:44 PM

[GreenGuy]

thisgirlluvsthatgirl, on 02 July 2009 - 09:20 AM, said:

well its good that u respect her wishes and not like obsess over it any more. it sucks but if u just dont feel a way about some1 then nothings gonna change that. and if she didnt then it just wasnt meant to be uknow so ur prolly better off cuz its not the relationship u were looking for. and like u said no use moping over the past. try not to be upset tho maybe its hard for guys to under stand what it feels like but its not good i had peeps do real creepy things to me b4. some of them i kinda knew and some just on the street or at a bus stop. not saying thats like u at all just that if she feels that way then its real to her. im sorry it means u got hurt tho

Oh believe me it took me a long time to get to where I said screw it and gave up on her. I never knew sweet poems and songs were creepy, but then I guess I realized it is if the other party isn't interested. Also me telling her I loved her after 6 months of knowing her was probably creepy as hell. Who cares we talked everyday and she knew me really well? It didn't matter. Also it didn't help she never told me she had a boyfriend and wasn't interested in me anymore. She just lead me on the whole time we knew each other. Then I end up being a bad guy for making a move on her. How lame is that?

Anyways....
I could still write love songs and poems based on everything if I wanted. I mean isn't that how musicians come up with their songs? As you can see there's a lot of stuff still there, but I choose not to because I always respected her (even though I am mentioning her now heh). I've already chalked her up as the one that got away. Nothing can change anything, it's all too late. I tried my hardest and that's the best I could do. It's actually the easiest breakup I've ever been through.

[jaded_blue]

Well I still say writing frees the soul. I don't see why you couldn't still write about your feelings but not share them with her. Whatever you write about is your own business and no one can dictate what you can or can't say.

Regardless.. just keep writing anything. It's good for you.

Blueeeee

[GreenGuy]

lol the last part of my whole spiel rhymed.
I'm a poet without even trying!


Maybe I will write again someday Blue. Who knows.

[jaded_blue]

Heh. I can pretty much guarentee that you will.