[BDman]

It sucks.

I have had the rare pleasure of being treated to a free "brandert" this night.

A "brandert" is the state of being inabbreviated. But it's free, and you have to be a real asshole to decline such an invitation.

It started as a quiet evenig but devolved into something else entirely.

We wound up at a local disco.

I have long since abandoned disco's, but my friend (the guy with the money) insisted that we went.

I know that most of the poeple who read this, must consider me a boring old bastard.

I have learned some new things this night: It is not considered good tact to ask, why the hell a girls´ make-up, makes her look like she's been electrocuted.

Furthermore: Just because she has no discernible tits, does not mean that you can comment on her lack of the same attibute.  

One of the women I spoke to actually found my blunt honesty refreshing. I ended up getting her to make amends with her estranged boyfriend. And they seemed vey happy when they left together.

About a quarter to three i finally found an intelligent and attractive girl (I don't care if other people find her short and skinny. I'm tall and overweight and if our genes mixed, we would have created the perfect human being) but then I got the hiccups and she vanishehed while I was trying to drink a glass of water the wrong way around.

This is just a very convoluted way of saying; I hate hiccups.

[_Scribbleskillz_]

Sounds like an eventful night.  Next time you get the hiccups, just concentrate on where you think they come from and stop em.  you control your body so they end up stopping... at least that's what works for me.  as far as the girl goes, it doesn't sound like you're a big fan of disco joints (which is where you met her) so chances are a stunning chicka will come your way in a place you are both comfortable... that is the one to pay the most attention to because right away you've found yourself someone with mutual interests... but that's just my opinion...

I hope that made sense.

Scribs

[BDman]

Cheers mate.

I don't know why I get the urge to respond in that fashion.

I'm a Dane but the closest english-speaking country is England. Maybe that makes sense.

I'm still kinda druk and it flavours my responses. Where the hell is Liberator when you need him?

By the way: Would it make you think less of me if i told you, that I once asked a 16-year old gir,l if she was so limber that I could fuck her from behind while she was still sucking my balls? Maybe it helps if I tell you that the "no-no" age in Denmark is 15.

Still doesn't help with the fact that I felt like an asshole afterwards.

I wound up buying a 40$ bouquet of flowers for her as an apology.

I'm such a wimp.

[idic]

Dude... you can consider me one of them old bastards too! Try this next time... take three deep breathes(take as much as you can before you let it out), on the third breath Hold it! Hold it as long as you can! Do this three times. repeat if if nessary... that should cure your hiccups! It keeps the stomach still and whatever cause hiccups will or should go away!... NOW doing this in front of  girl is a differant story.... Here's what I recommend:

1: Don't let your breath out explosively! (you don't want to frighten the poor wench away)

2: Turn you head when exhaling! (if your breath is bad, you might kill her with the stench)

3: Don't try to talk when holding your breath (its a sure way to break rules one and/or two)

4: Be aware of any tingling sensations in your lips and blurred vision (both are sure signs of turning blue in the face... something to be avoided)

5: If you feel yourself passing out from lack of  oxygen... Go with it!(Girls are suckers for the mothering thing and will want to nurse you back to health! Especially if they think it was their Beauty that caused you to pass out)

6: If you do pass out, try to bump your head on the table as you fall! (a bump on the head will take you far and a little blood is just added bonus points)

Other than that, try to maintain a causual appearance and don't let your eyes look like there about to pop out of your head and you should be alright!!!

idic ;)

[BDman]

Thank you very much Idic.

There are a lot of useful hints in your suggestions.
Somebody once told me that the latin name for hiccups is "spasmodia diaphragma" meaning spasms in the diaphragm. I once cured one of my friends from the hiccups by giving him a hard punch in the solar plexus accompanied by a startling shout. I figured, that since his diaphragm was having spasms, maybe if i gave it, and him, a shock, I could cure him. It actually worked, but he wasn't very pleased with me afterwards, and it was only due to my excellent talent for bullshitting that I could appease him.

I would suggest that you only use this method on someone that you know wont beat you up afterwards.

By the way: I've tried this several times on myself, with no effect. I guess it has to come as a surprise. Furthermore; people tend to look at you funny when you stand around punching youself in the abdomen.

[idic]

I'm picturing that in my head and laughing my ass off!! ;D

idic ;)

[D3l7a3ch0]

dude.  16.  that's gotta be some awesome *****

[Dart]

I came to the same conclusion that hiccups are an involuntary spasm of a semi-voluntary muscle. I found that by taking a lung full of air, pursing my lips like I was blowing a trumpet and exhaling slowly, they stopped every time. The idea is to produce back pressure so the diaphragm has to work harder and make the duration of your exhale last longer than the interval of the hiccups. That overrides the impulse to hiccup. Good luck.

Dart