JAB Comix Community Forum: Honeyville - JAB Comix Community Forum

Jump to content

Important Announcement! JABComix is looking for a layout artist. Please send your samples to JAB for evaluation.

Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

Honeyville This is my first attempt at writing a comic script Rate Topic: -----

#1 User is offline   Herr Pervert 

  • Newbie
  • PipPip
  • Group: Junior Jabber
  • Posts: 99
  • Joined: 13-April 11
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:Cartoon porn and bukkake. Hentai and incest stories. Oh yeah kittens to.
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:Ay Papi

Posted 26 July 2011 - 02:02 AM

Hey Jabbers I thought that I give writing a comic script. This is my first attempt and first draft. So please give it a read and let me know what you think.




HONEYVILLE

BY

Herr Pervert


First Draft

July 19, 2011


Issue No 1 * Honeyville * Herr Pervert


PAGE 1 Five Panels panel five is larger than the rest.

Panel 1:

Picture of Earth

CAPTION

Our story starts on a little blue ball floating in the blackness of space.

Panel 2:

Picture of North America

CAPTION

Like any story this one has a cast of characters

Panel 3:

Picture of a town. No place particular.

CAPTION

Our cast has numerous leads and supporting characters all playing their roles in our story.

Panel 4:

Outside of a house, back yard, upstairs window. The window is slightly open. Curtains are blowing out a open window.

CAPTION

Inside this normal house. In a normal town. On a normal street we meet our lead character. Katie Seaman giving her favourite toy a vigorous work out.

Panel 5:

Large panel. Inside her room Katie is hard at work fucking herself with a very large dildo. A TV in the background is playing a porno. (SFX: MOANING, GROANING). A radio on the dresser plays music loud to drown out the sound of the movie and her sounds of pleasure. (SFX:MUSIC. MOANING GROANING)



Issue No 1 * Honeyville * Herr Pervert


PAGE 2 Six panels. Panel six is inserted into panel five.

Panel 1

Katie is on her side, fetal position. One hand is pushing the dildo into her pussy. The other hand is holding a picture. The picture is not visible to the viewer. Katie is biting her bottom lip and her eyes a slightly closed.

KATIE

(SFX. GRUNTS AND MOANS) Oh FUCK,FUCK,FUCK. Please let me eat your pussy. I need to taste your pussy.

Panel 2

Katie is on her knees, her ass in the air. The dildo deep in her pussy.

KATIE

Oh god, I want to fuck your so bad. I can not stop thinking about you.(WHISPER) You and I together fucking our brains out.

Panel 3

A close up of the dildo in Katie's pussy. Pussy juice running all down her pussy lips and dildo.

Panel 4

A close up of Katie's face. Pure pleasure on it. Her tongue sticking out of her open mouth as if she is licking something.

KATIE

(SFX: UMMMMMMM)

Panel 5

Katie is reaching for something in her nightstand.

KATIE

FUCK WHERE IS IT?

Panel 6

Panel 6 is inserted into panel 5. Katie is pulling out a pair of panties.



Issue No 1 * Honeyville * Herr Pervert


PAGE 3 Five panels

Panel 1

Inside of a house. Hallway and entrance of the front door. (SFX: Ring a ding-dong.)


Panel 2

Mr Seman goes to the door to open it.

DICK

(THOUGHT BALLOON) Fuck I hate that door bell. It better not be another fucking Jehovah Witness. Fucking cunts.

Panel 3

Mr Semen opens the door. Standing there is Victoria, Katie's friend from school. (ART NOTE: Victoria is short blond with wavy hair. Big blue eyes. Shapely body and small but perky breasts).

VICTORIA

Hi Mr S. Is Katie home? Katie told me she would help me study for my health test.

Panel 4

Dick is taller than Victoria so he is looking down at her. Dick and Victoria are looking at each other. Dick has a big smile on his face.

DICK

Hi Vic. Yeah Katie's upstairs in her room. How have you been? It has been awhile since you have been around.


VICTORIA

Oh you know, school and I have a new job. So I have been real busy.

Panel 5

Victoria is making her way up the stairs. One foot up on the next step. She is looking back over her right shoulder at Dick. Dick is looking back at her with lust in his eyes. Victoria is wearing a short shirt and her panties a pulled tight exposing her ass and some of her pussy lips.

DICK

Well you better head upstairs. Stop by more often. Your always welcome here. (THOUGHT BALLOON. One of these days I am going to fuck your mouth until I cum all over your face)

VICTORIA

(THOUGHT BALLOON. One of these days I going to suck your cock until you cum all over my face.)Thanks Mr S. I like that.


Issue No 1 * Honeyville * Herr Pervert


PAGE 4 Six panels. Interior of Dick's office. It looks like a normal office. Desk to one side an couch and a couch across from it. A bar fridge behind the desk. Various pictures on the walls and desk.

Panel 1.

Dick is sitting at his desk typing away on his computer key board. Squinting his eyes, tongue just sticking out.

DICK

(THOUGHT BALLOON) Twenty five more sold in just half a hour.

Panel 2

Side view of Dick. Dick is holding a very large black dildo. It wobbles back and forth.

DICK

You are going to make me a shit load of money your great big black beauty.

BARB (O.P)

Maybe you should let me test that thing out and give you a review for your website.

Panel 3

Dick's wife, Barb stands just inside the door. Barb is a tall woman with short red hair and a models build. Close up of the dildo moving back and forth. Barb against the door licking her lips.

Panel4

Barb has moved and is now sitting on the edge of the desk.

DICK

Hi babe. This thing is selling like hot cakes. I am sure I will sell enough of these black bastards for another trip to Vegas.

BARB

Oh that be great Hon. I love going to Vegas. We had so much fun the last time we went.

DICK

Hell we drank and danced every night.

BARB

Well not every night. Remember that cute couple we meet?



Issue No 1 * Honeyville * Herr Pervert

PAGE 4 Six panels. Interior of Dick's office. It looks like a normal office. Desk to one side an couch and a couch across from it. A bar fridge behind the desk. Various pictures on the walls and desk.

Panel 5

Dick leans back in his chair. Hands folded behind his head, smiling. Barb is also smiling.

DICK

Oh yeah. That cute little Asian girl and her boyfriend. Dam she had a sweet ass.

BARB

How many times did you fuck her ass, 3-4 times?

DICK

Five times. Once after she passed out. Hell the guy must of fucked you at least three times.

BARB

Twice in the pussy and once in the ass. I wanted the fucker to cum in my mouth but he wouldn't.

Panel 6

Barb is now sitting on Dick's lap grinding away. Her ass hard against his cock. Dick is squeezing her tits.

DICK

Fuck yeah I remember now. You were so hungry for cum you started sucking the cum out of her ass and pussy.

BARB

You know how much I love cum.

DICK

Cum whore.

BARB

Pervert.

SFX:LAUGHING




Issue No 1 * Honeyville * Herr Pervert

PAGE 5 5 Panels

Panel 1

Victoria is just outside Katie's door. Threw the loud music in Katie's room Victoria can hear Katie's pleasuring herself.

VICTORIA

(Thought Balloon) What the hell?

Panel 2

Katie in the foreground. She is shocked and surprised. Katie hurries to hide the photo she has been looking at. Victoria is standing just inside the door.

VICTORIA

You little bitich! You can not wait until I get here?

KATIE

FUCK, you scared the shit out of me

Panel 3

Victoria is now sitting on the bed facing Katie. Katie's knees are up againest her chest. Her pussy is fully exposed. Victoria fingers are running through Katie's pussy lips.

VICTORIA

Shit Kat could you at least have waited? I told you I be here in a hour

KATIE

Sorry Vic, but sitting here waiting and thinking about tonguing your sweet pussy. I just got so horny.

Panel 4

Victoria is holding the dildo that was in Katie's pussy and licking it up and down.

Panel 5

Close up of Victoria's face close to Katie's face. Katie is smiling wide and so is Victoria.

VICTORIA

Well lover I'm here now. So you wanna fuck?

This post has been edited by Herr Pervert: 16 September 2011 - 02:46 AM

0

#2 User is offline   Sickpuppy 

  • Jabvilles Eminent Tail Chaser
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Titan
  • Posts: 1,512
  • Joined: 02-January 09
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:In the Shade
  • Interests:Writing, reading humorous and erotic stories, looking at dirty pictures
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:Ay Papi

Posted 28 July 2011 - 03:59 AM

I'm digging it, you may want to check when you post so your not taking up so much space, I dont mind tapping the scroll key but this was a bit much, but I like the story
0

#3 User is offline   Herr Pervert 

  • Newbie
  • PipPip
  • Group: Junior Jabber
  • Posts: 99
  • Joined: 13-April 11
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:Cartoon porn and bukkake. Hentai and incest stories. Oh yeah kittens to.
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:Ay Papi

Posted 28 July 2011 - 04:01 AM

Thanks Sick, I notice that after I copied and pasted it into the thread. I will have to figure out how to do it better so it does not take up so much room. I was worried about that. But thanks for reading it.
0

#4 User is offline   Shayscissorhands 

  • Newbie
  • PipPip
  • Group: Junior Jabber
  • Posts: 14
  • Joined: 23-July 11
  • Gender:Female
  • Interests:Shopping, sleeping, drawing, horror movies, psychology, sociology, pornography. ♥
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:Farm Lessons

Posted 28 July 2011 - 12:14 PM

Sounds great! (: I'm definitely interested.
0

#5 User is offline   Herr Pervert 

  • Newbie
  • PipPip
  • Group: Junior Jabber
  • Posts: 99
  • Joined: 13-April 11
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:Cartoon porn and bukkake. Hentai and incest stories. Oh yeah kittens to.
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:Ay Papi

Posted 29 July 2011 - 12:57 PM

View PostShayscissorhands, on 28 July 2011 - 06:14 AM, said:

Sounds great! (: I'm definitely interested.


Thanks Shay. I am hoping to write a 21 page comic.
0

#6 User is offline   Spaceace 

  • Senior Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • Group: Immortal
  • Posts: 448
  • Joined: 15-August 10
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:Movies, D&D, Cooking/Grilling, Family, the Blues.
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:My Hot Ass Neighbor

Posted 08 August 2011 - 06:13 AM

Great story!! I love it. But I agree that the extra space needs to be eliminated. Maybe someone out there will do the art work for you. I know that I was lucky that Wok took my story and is filling it out for the current contest. But keep posting. I, for one, always love the written porn story.
0

#7 User is offline   Herr Pervert 

  • Newbie
  • PipPip
  • Group: Junior Jabber
  • Posts: 99
  • Joined: 13-April 11
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:Cartoon porn and bukkake. Hentai and incest stories. Oh yeah kittens to.
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:Ay Papi

Posted 08 August 2011 - 12:29 PM

View PostSpaceace, on 08 August 2011 - 12:13 AM, said:

Great story!! I love it. But I agree that the extra space needs to be eliminated. Maybe someone out there will do the art work for you. I know that I was lucky that Wok took my story and is filling it out for the current contest. But keep posting. I, for one, always love the written porn story.


Thanks Spaceace. I wrote it as a movie script layout. I did not know how to just send it as attachment so I simply copy and paste. So that is why it came out that way in the post. Hopefully I will be able to fix that next time.
0

#8 User is offline   gmsalpha 

  • Newbie
  • PipPip
  • Group: Junior Jabber
  • Posts: 12
  • Joined: 29-August 11
  • Gender:Male
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:My Hot Ass Neighbor

Posted 31 August 2011 - 07:10 PM

Great job with the script! I loved the characters' names. Just think Victoria should be Virginia as it's so close to Vagina. Otherwise, fantastic stuff!
0

#9 User is offline   Sinope! 

  • Cintiq-o-maniac
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Group: Artiste
  • Posts: 1,839
  • Joined: 22-December 05
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Hollowed Out Volcano
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:Ay Papi


Users Awards

Posted 01 September 2011 - 02:36 AM

Great script. Love the formating. It really helps with visualizing the page. Spacing is too wide. Maybe less for next time so its easier to read.
0

#10 User is offline   Herr Pervert 

  • Newbie
  • PipPip
  • Group: Junior Jabber
  • Posts: 99
  • Joined: 13-April 11
  • Gender:Male
  • Interests:Cartoon porn and bukkake. Hentai and incest stories. Oh yeah kittens to.
  • Country:
  • Favorite Comic:Ay Papi

Posted 02 September 2011 - 02:20 AM

View PostSinope!, on 31 August 2011 - 08:36 PM, said:

Great script. Love the formating. It really helps with visualizing the page. Spacing is too wide. Maybe less for next time so its easier to read.


Thanks for the complement. I am slowly working on finishing the rest of the story. I can't copy and past like I wanted to, that is why the spacing is so big. I will write it out again in a post so the spacing is not so bad. I am on page 15 with the hopes of getting 21.

View Postgmsalpha, on 31 August 2011 - 01:10 PM, said:

Great job with the script! I loved the characters' names. Just think Victoria should be Virginia as it's so close to Vagina. Otherwise, fantastic stuff!


Thanks. The charactor of Victoria is based on someone I know so that is the reason for the name. I might us the name in another story idea I have.
0

Share this topic:


Page 1 of 1
  • You cannot start a new topic
  • You cannot reply to this topic

1 User(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users