[pumpkin]

I created a comic called "old man jefferson


The rest of the comic and drawings can be seen here.
http://forum.jabcomi...-man-jefferson/

The problem is, that the story is awful. I have halted work on it, because of my confidence in the story (also i don't like how the drawings are done, but that's a whole other issue).

The challenge.
Write a story of old man jefferson's sexual escapades. It doesn't have to have anything to do with the story I have written. It can be about anything, he could shag his grand daughter or the a black woman, or even aliens. Ok aliens was a bit far, but what ever you want it to be about. You can change anything you want even the personality (although I didn't define much of a personality), as long as old man jefferson is involved.

[oootex]

lol

[pumpkin]

oootex, on 21 December 2010 - 07:34 AM, said:

lol

You can say that again, complete failure.

[jaded_blue]

I don't think you have a failure, pumpkin. I adore the concept. And the "One old man, two saggy balls, and a whole lot of young women" is fantastic. I even like the artwork.

I see you've completed up to page six. I think the storyline is progressing nicely. I did see quite a few spelling errors.. if you don't have anyone to edit for you, I would suggest typing out your scripts in a word processing program and having spellcheck catch most of the spelling errors for you.

I'm not sure exactly what you are asking for here. Your story is good.. it's got people interested. Are you just stumped as to how to continue in it? Usually its better to have a full script completed before you begin drawing. But that's not a huge deal.. it just would eliminate these stumped moments.

Also, many people may not want to spend the time and effort to write a script for someone if they are not sure they would actually complete it. So completing this one you have already started would look good for you. Shows you are willing to follow through.

I would really love to see you finish this first comic. It definitely could be a series people could get into. And who knows.. you many end up getting several people offering up scripts for it. That would be fun!

[pumpkin]

jaded_blue, on 27 December 2010 - 07:56 PM, said:

I don't think you have a failure, pumpkin. I adore the concept. And the "One old man, two saggy balls, and a whole lot of young women" is fantastic. I even like the artwork.

I see you've completed up to page six. I think the storyline is progressing nicely. I did see quite a few spelling errors.. if you don't have anyone to edit for you, I would suggest typing out your scripts in a word processing program and having spellcheck catch most of the spelling errors for you.

I'm not sure exactly what you are asking for here. Your story is good.. it's got people interested. Are you just stumped as to how to continue in it? Usually its better to have a full script completed before you begin drawing. But that's not a huge deal.. it just would eliminate these stumped moments.

Also, many people may not want to spend the time and effort to write a script for someone if they are not sure they would actually complete it. So completing this one you have already started would look good for you. Shows you are willing to follow through.

I would really love to see you finish this first comic. It definitely could be a series people could get into. And who knows.. you many end up getting several people offering up scripts for it. That would be fun!

Thank you for your response. Although in all honestly if you put in the effort in to a story as you did with that post, all my problems would be fixxed.

Well My story isn't good, i really don't know what i'm doing. Theres no jokes, its not funny what so ever. Nothing makes sense, It makes less sense than jab's story with the bizarre openness towards incest which we would only usually see on jerry springer.

So what would you see happening on one of old man jefferson's advertures?

[Spaceace]

Just saw your work. Really enjoyed it. It's obviously better than you, yourself, give it credit for. You should keep it up.

As for the writing suggestions. Were you looking for full blown stories or just outlines to develop another comic around? Let us know. Also, I have an idea that might help us both. Karmagic and I have been trying to get the caption game off and running ( see drawing jam ) and this might benefit you as well. Throw a couple of your old man sketches up and let some people put ideas to them. This will not only get more people noticing your work, but might even give it a direction you hadn't thought of. Give it a try. What's to lose?

[Fester]

OMJ is grumbling as he is walking down the street, some houses are showing their appreciation of veteran's day except one house, where no flag is hanging...of course, this pisses the old war vet off.
When he knocks on the door, a papanese woman opens the door...and then the fun starts.

Kimiko: <Holding a broom in hands as she was cleaning> Yes can I help please?

OMJ: What the hell? You some kind of commie pinko? You're in america...where's your flag?

Kimiko: Flag? Oh...wait come in, I find.

OMJ is thus far unimpressed as he follows her in, until he sees her crouch down next to a trunk, and he has a flashback and he thinks he sees her wearing a samurai uniform, and the broom becomes a sword in her hands.

OMJ: They've invaded? NOT THIS TIME BUCKO!!

Kimiko: NANI?

OMJ then procedes to show her why they called him the jackhammer in his old days.

Kimiko: Wait...what you do? Not polite!

OMJ: Polite shmite, this is for all my boys that wish they coulda but didn't!

Kimiko: At least lube first!!

In the end, OMJ gives her a few things to remember him by before he runs out the house naked waving the american flag yelling,

OMJ: REMEMBER PEARL HARBOR!!

Leaving poor Kimiko to try and regain her bearings.

Kimiko: Is this american custom? Good thing daughters not home...maybe I invite him over for tupperware party...


Of course, I can break it down scene by scene, but that is the general idea.

[pumpkin]

Lol. He will probably be unleashing another Hiroshima all over her tits.

[Fester]

Well of course...it wouldn't be fun if it wasn't messy!

[Fester]

Here is another and it can actually tie in to a series a few people have been clamoring for.
The Blueberry patch girls (troop 69) are selling cookies in Old man jefferson's neighborhood...and some of the neighborhood girls just happen to be part of the troop...oh what delicious fun that could be!!

fester

[JAB]

Spaceace is right Pump(your)Kin, you doubt yourself too much. I too doubted myself. But in the end, you have to realize that the reason people liked your work to begin with is because you have the talent to tell a funny story. Now, I will not tell you what to do in this situation, you're going to have to figure it out yourself. You may choose to receive help, but you do so at your own risk. What exactly those risks are, it is hard to say. But what makes OMJ is you and you alone. Just remember that.


JAB out

[Fester]

Sigh.

Look pumpkin...what you do is your decision. You do have something cool that YOU created...and while someone might pull something unscrupulous, (like I think jab is alluding to) I can guarantee that if someone offers something and you do or do not accept it, if you state up front that there will be no profit gained by this person that helped you, then almost nothing bad can come of it.
I personally have asked creators that if they use my ideas in any way, just give me credit for the idea, that is it. Well in one case I also asked if they needed more ideas in the future to contact me. While no offer is implied, no one should be considered obligated either. What help I offer, I expect nothing monetarily nor have I asked for it.
If that is a bit too much for the artist, creator, whatever...then all the negative things floating in my mind right now won't change how I feel or how the person may feel, but it is still that person's work, and in the end it is their choice.
Do what is best for you.

fester